there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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