Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
