we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
