i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
