so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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