she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
