He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
