i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
