her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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