literally had 100 drinks last night.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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