I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
