girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
