so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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