Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He shit in the fireplace
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
