I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
