Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
