Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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