I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
