i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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