I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
