she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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