I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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