How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
