the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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