She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
