Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
