So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just had sex on a roof
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
