I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
