I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
