Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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