The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
