i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
