I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
