Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
