The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
