I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
