You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
