remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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