Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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