Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
