My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
