I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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