Non-Jews are for practice
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
