i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
