I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
