i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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