Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
