Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
