He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
