when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
